I am in a trying time at this moment. I do not like my job and feel worn out. I am working very hard hours. I am wondering why I am pouring all of my energy into that place and not into my family. I would love to be able to be with them, and involved. I would love to be able to be more of a wife to my husband. He sees me not happy, not smiling. We don't do anything with others. I wish it was different. I feel that I am wasting this year away. I am excited for next year to be involved with them. I am scared too that money will be an issue. I am praying that I am listening to God and not ignoring him.

Tests in life

Last night in bible study we were talking about tests. In times of tests....what do you do?

I have been in the middle of a test, and I don't see it ending anytime soon. God wants me to get an A.

I love being married to my husband. This year has been an awesome year in our marriage. It's becoming a step mom that has not been easy. It's learning that I not only married my husband, but I also married his ex wife, and anyone she has married...past and present. It changes everything.

This week....she told her daughter that I was taking care of her......she never asked me. I lost it. In my heart I knew that she had not looked for care for my step daughter. We asked her a week before if she had lined anything up....no answer. Then the night before we were to drop her off....I was asking my step daughter what she had planned for the next day, and she said....I don't know...i'm staying here. I said...oh...no one mentioned that to me. She said....my mom said that I am staying here. I was mad because this is not the first time that she had told her she was doing something without asking me first. If I was going to have her watch my kids....i would ask first, before assuming that I didn't have any plans.

I am acting like a little child with all of this. I don't know how not to. I am not showing Grace at all. I don't like this side of me.....and it's new for me. I pray that I will be on my knees through all of this. I am praying for my relationship with my step daughter. It is strained....I wish it was easy, but it's not.

My Life so far...

It's A New Day

When I last wrote I said I could feel God's hands working in my life. I was so excited for what he was going to do in me. HE was asking me to patiently wait for HIS plan to unfold. Part of his plan unfolded last June. I married a great guy ,who is always trying to grow in his relationship with God. He constantly challenges me....(sometimes I love this, and other times I'm grumbling under my breath.) So this is our first year of marriage and now we have 4 kids in our house. How many marriages start out with 4 kids? It has been fun but also challenging. Anyone who thinks they are going to get married and it will all be easy is wrong. Marriage is the hardest relationship and the best at the same time. I love Rich with all of my heart. I love to spend time with him...I wish there was more time in the day to be with him. I think the hard part about marriage is letting go of the selfishness and being completely naked in front of someone. I know, I know I said naked. I mean naked in the sense of standing before someone asking, will you or do you love me even though you know all of my good and bad? Will you leave me? It's not easy to be naked in any way. Are you fully comfortable? After giving birth to three kids...I'm not. (LOL)

I have learned a lot in the short time of our marriage. I have learned that I'm a carrot. Yes...I am a carrot...I said it and now you are probably wondering why I call myself a carrot. Shortly after Rich and I got married we went to a Step family class at church. The class was awesome. What they said was that a step family is a crock pot. Some people in the family are potatoes and soften and blend quickly. Others are carrots and need more time to soften up. We all don't soften up at the same time. Rich and three of the kids are potatoes and two of us are carrots. So things that would be and should be so much fun....are sometimes difficult for the two of us. We are all learning and softening. I guess this blog will now become about our crock pot.....what a journey that will be.

blessings to all and to all a date night. That is where I am headed...date night.