A love story....without a movie ending....

A love story that doesn't have a movie ending.
Last year during the summer I allowed Jon to stay on the couch till he could get his feet on the ground. He began to drink and become abusive. He scared my friends, and I became scared to sleep for fear that he may snap and do something to me. I finally told him he couldn't stay and he needed to go back home to Alabama. I no sooner got him out and I had to start getting ready to go back to teaching after 9 years of staying at home. I was so scared for so many reasons, and so beaten down. I remember saying to God that I didn't know how I would do it all. I also told him that I would never meet anyone, because I was a teacher, and there are no men in teaching. I also wasn't really thinking of that so much. I truly wanted to survive the year and that was it.
That first day of work I see this very tall, thin man walk through the doors. I didn't think anything of it because at that point I couldn't look at the opposite sex in the eyes after all that I had been through. We had a staff meeting and we had to introduce ourselves. I talked about my kids, and I don't know what else. It came to him and he got up and talked about working with orphans in Russia with Love Russia (a Christian organization). That got my attention because I have always wanted to work with orphans. That and his English accent, and he was very cute. Well my friend Sarah..who I had also just meet, but instantly felt connected asked me if we should ask him to church. I thought sure, but I don't think I could ask him,so we both talked to him and invited him to church. He and I began to talk. We talked about a lot of things, but most importantly we shared our faith. We had these deep talks about Jesus. I shared my "life story" with him, and he didn't judge or look at me differently. When I was near him my knees got weak, and my stomach felt funny. Our friendship grew...but quietly it was more than a friendship, something more that was unspoken. He would come to my room and talk, and make me laugh. He would bring me iced coffee and stick it on my desk when I wasn't looking, or pull one out of his pocket as we walked into school in the morning. My smile came back, and my bruised heart began to heal, and I was amazed with this man who challenged me. One day he asked if he could bring pizza over and a movie. I was like ugh you've meet my kids....they'll be there, and he was like YEAH! Well the kids were all over him and sitting on him and holding him. I thought that would be the last time he will ever suggest that again. Do you know what he told God on the way home? He said, "God is this the man you want me to be? Cause I could be that man." Well the next time he asked me to do something it was to eat and go to the movies. We would go get something to eat or see a movie at times, but not often. Now keep in mind I have no clue how he feels. We have not held hands or anything. He would just give me a really long hug, and I would think..do friends do this? I will skip to a great night. Dan was giving me a ride home from school, and he was so sad. I told him he was scaring me, because he was so not himself. He had tears in his eyes, and I just said "let's go and get a drink and snap you out of this." We went to Elizabeths and he began to talk about being a Christian Guy, and does God want him to be like Peter, or something else, and all of this questioning about who he was. I just told him that I never wanted him to change and he touched my hand and didn't let go. We just simply held hands and no words were needed. I remember electricity going through my arm. I remember asking God, "am I worthy of this moment, of this man?" Dan begins to say that he doesn't know what to say...this could have happened so long ago. I watch you walk down the hall and I can't help but stare and dream of what it would be like to hold you. And then he says that he wrote me a song and would I like to hear it. It was amazing. Everything I felt he was saying to me. I have never had anything like this happen to me. So the next day we have to work together and we can't help but giggle like kids. Our students were on to us before we ever told each other how we felt...so they would always laugh. But then reality hit him, or FEAR. He said that this was huge. Did I think of this as a 3 month thing or like marriage. (He always thought of being in the USA for a year and going back to Russia after that, so we had 3 months left in that year.) I told him that I felt God brought us together, because I would have never have chosen him. 1. He lived in London 2. He was 28 and I'm 37. I have never liked anyone younger than me, and I would never. Why would a 28 year old want me and my life? 3.We both felt the same thing at the same time, as strong as the other one felt it. He said we have 3 children to think about and if I'm leaving I don't want to hurt them. That if we went forward that would mean no Russia, and no going home, that this would be home. He asked if he could talk to a guy at church about all of this and I said sure. Well that guy said if he wasn't 200% sure about being with me than to not be with me. So Dan said I've made my decision...I'm going to Russia. Tears were in my eyes, and I was shocked. I couldn't understand how he could not want to see where God would take us. I cried the whole way home that day. When Sarah came into my classroom she cried with me. I was floored. That wasn't the end of the story. Stay tuned. God bless